I’m feeling so inspired by the blogosphere, thanks to a challenge issued by Ez of Creature Comforts which began with this post and has been promoted by Nichole & Erin. Many bloggers have participated in this movement, in order to promote transparency and honesty, and I find it extremely refreshing and up-lifting. So, even though I’m a day late (blaming my preggo brain), here is what I’m “afraid to tell you”. Gulp.
1…I’ve worn a bathing suit three times since I was 20. I am 32. My severe body image issues have prevented me from having the guts to do it, and it has kept me from enjoying many of my favorite water activities (I practically grew up on a lake), and forced me to lie in certain situations. I miss it terribly and have been working on this issue in and out of therapy for a long time…it will be a HUGE day in my life when I can wear one with comfort and pride. I have already started worrying about water activities with our children, and hope that somehow it will help me get out of my head.
2…My hair hasn’t always been red, although I was born a redhead.
3…As much as I’ve wanted to be a mommy all my life and pregnancy is the most amazing experience I’ve ever had, I am terrified. Becoming a parent is so huge, and I worry about being the best mother I can be, how challenges with kids might affect our marriage, and how not to lose my own personal identity. Many aspects of this beautiful life event scare me.
4…I still sleep with my childhood blankie. Yep…it is tattered and torn and basically in threads, but it is still a bedtime companion of mine. My husband is very sweet and understanding about it.
5…The future loss of my furry child Billy paralyzes me with fear. Just thinking about it gives me pain in my heart, as great as any human losses I have experienced. He has been my constant companion and furry soul mate for 9 years now (adopted him when he was 2…he’s now 11). My hope is that he will live many more healthy years, enjoy being a big brother, and give me strength when he passes.
6…I am struggling with my parents aging, and I find myself retreating more and more into the safety and comfort of my marriage. I feel guilty about this often, as for the majority of my life my parents were my comfort. I know it is a natural progression, but I still feel badly about it at times.
7…I don’t feel fully deserving of my current happiness. I’m working on it.
8…Blogging is a creative outlet for me, and I consider it therapeutic. That being said…I care a lot about your comments, and at times feel insecure. I still care too much about what others think of me.
9…My business is not growing as quickly as I had hoped for, and although it is teaching me patience and perseverance, I am frustrated often. I constantly wish I had more money to put into marketing and PR, and feel jealous of those who do, or find ways to creatively promote themselves without the costs. I am very hard on myself and want to be better, and DO better!
10…Hitting the publish button on this post is challenging!
***thank you all so much for the love & support here and elsewhere!***