Living in limbo feels a bit like a carousel ride…going in circles while also navigating ups and downs. Like most people, I enjoy carousels, but let’s face it – it’s mostly about going around and round until the music stops and the lights dim. It’s been quite the ride since we chose to sell our house and set out on a new adventure. While we made the decision to forge a new path, that path has yet to present itself, and I’m growing increasingly impatient and frustrated. It’s been a year or more now that we, as a family, have found ourselves unsure of our direction. As someone that yearns for control over much in life (as ridiculous as that can be), I’ve had the hardest time with all of it. Limbo has become a place of unfulfillment, sadness, frustration, isolation and general “meh”-ness for me. It’s been a struggle to live with this mentality – it’s not healthy. While I’m not fully sure of how to overcome this mental state, I’m determined to do so.
I know that by trying so hard to maintain “control” of our lives, we can miss out on amazing things. Just because we hope for certain things to happen, doesn’t mean they’re meant to be. I’ve been looking to my children a lot, acknowledging and appreciating all that they can teach me. They begin each day with such an innocence and excitement, not tainted by what lies behind or ahead of them, and blissfully unaware of any situation or stress. They are engaged, focused, and deliriously happy. They’re enjoying the ride, because we’re on it together–when or where it stops is irrelevant. So for now, I’m going to do my best to embrace this time in our lives. I’ve gotten off the horse and am going to try the swan seat for a while. After all, I’m sharing the ride with the people I love the most in this world, and they’re keeping me from jumping off.