I'm Susan — devout Francophile, mother of twins, writer, creative director, and aspiring author. I've been sharing my life here since 2010...thanks for reading!
Hello et bonjour! I’m so glad you’ve discovered my little corner of the internet. I’m Susan, a forty-something writer, creator, queer femme, and mother (of twins). My life is “flourishing”, hence the name…with a French twist. I’ve been sharing my life here since 2010, with more to be found @fleurishing. I also founded @thefrancophiles community in 2016 with a goal to inspire, inform and unite Francophiles around the world and it continues to grow. In addition to the wealth of information I’ve shared here over the years, I’m getting even more personal on Substack…I hope you’ll join me there!
I’ve been quiet lately…both here and on social media. There is a lot happening in my life behind the scenes, and I’m not ready to share it publicly–it’s that personal. For over twelve years now, I’ve shared so much of my personal life online (which is ironic, considering I’m such an introvert). Right now I’m experiencing a strong desire to pull back, almost entirely. There’s been a shift happening within me, and I strongly feel the need to retreat. Call it burnout, call it a mid-life awakening…I just know that I’m evolving and change can be scary at first. For the first time in ten (or more) years, I’m truly taking time for myself. Nourishing both my body and mind. Resolving childhood (and adult) trauma in therapy, setting boundaries, and learning not to define my self-worth through work or accomplishments. I don’t know where this path will lead just yet…and that’s ok. There is no set timeline for our dreams or life – I’m just thankful to be living it.
Yesterday was spent savoring the dusting of snow we received here in Philadelphia…the first at our new home. I noticed this singular and striking red rose in our garden…it captivated me. It had apparently been blooming due to the unseasonably warm temperatures we’ve had recently, and then suddenly–winter arrived. The more I stared at it, the more I related to it, and realized the poignant message from nature. A love letter if you will, for 2022. May we ALL find a way to bloom, grow, and embrace the beauty around us, despite the heavy burdens so many of us bear.
My word for this year is liberté, which means freedom in French. Freedom from self-doubt, from the stories I’ve kept buried inside me for too long, from childhood trauma, and more. Freedom to rediscover myself again – after ten years of motherhood I’ve forgotten so much about the woman I used to be, and I’m anxious to meet her again. Freedom to finally acknowledge and embrace parts of myself that I’ve kept hidden (from myself and others). To dust off the weight (both literally and figuratively), and just… flourish fleurish. Bright and bold, despite the cold. Let’s persevere…together!
The first holiday in our Philadelphia home got off to a great start. We usually cut down a tree but this year we kept it simple and found a local spot that had trees fresh from a farm (we’ll be giving it to goats when it comes down). I wanted to honor the age of our home with 1920s inspired decor and wrapping, and focused on Art Deco vibes. I used mostly vintage items as accents, ribbon I’ve had for years, but did purchase some handmade paper (we’ve carefully saved each piece so that we can repurpose it next year, which is a small way we can reduce our waste). We added this special ornament to our collection, in honor of our first city christmas. We had exciting plans, but 2021 was getting ready to test us in a big way.
“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.” – Hannah Gadsby, Nanette
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Today is my 42nd birthday, and I’m celebrating the fact that I finally feel ready to share a personal trauma after (many) years of learning and growth. Trigger warning: domestic abuse. At age seventeen, I had an intoxicating romance with an older man, and soon after we moved in together. I was seeking to escape my turbulent home life, but (in hindsight) ended up essentially trading one trauma for another. Before too long, I was living with a stranger. Having become an empath due to a complicated childhood, I gave so much energy trying to help heal that person, while it was me who needed it most.
I spent ten years – TEN! in that co-dependent relationship, enduring soul-crushing emotional abuse as well as being physically hurt and threatened. I lost friends that tried to warn me and pushed anyone away who told me it was toxic. Thankfully an amazing therapist encouraged me to attend a CoDA (co-dependents anonymous) meeting, and the wealth of knowledge and support I received there changed my life. After a few months of attendance, I summoned all of my courage to end the relationship, and began the journey of acknowledging that I was worthy–of so much more.
There are too many people who silently suffer abuse, fear for their lives, or never get the chance to speak out. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I’m sharing my story so that others might feel seen, and take that next step. Time most certainly does not heal all wounds, but I’ve reached an age where I can look back without fear. In the process of healing myself, I’ve only become more unique and resilient – like the Japanese art of Kintsugi where they repair pottery with gold – my “scars” are my strength, and I’m celebrating the fact that I feel stronger than ever…it’s the greatest gift.
