As my first mother’s day approaches, I realize I have yet to share my thoughts on being a twin mom. This post is long overdue-it’s taken me nine months (oh the irony) to get my thoughts together on the subject (and they’re still not entirely together, not sure they ever will be). Discovering you are going to be a mother of two (at once) is an amazing, surreal and overwhelming experience. Becoming a mother is already such a major life-changing event, and adding multiples to the scenario grows it exponentially. My first reaction to our shock of a lifetime news (at 6 weeks of pregnancy) was ridiculously emotional-I instantly began crying and laughing simultaneously, and mr. fleurishing started crying and cursing! I wish we had it on video, because it was so hysterical…and so pure.
Being the anxious type A that I am, my mind immediately jumped to the all of the unknowns and “what-if’s” of twin pregnancy: can I/we handle this, is my body physically capable of this, will the nursery be big enough, can we afford this-the list goes on. My mind took off at a million miles a minute, and I got lost in google for weeks. I was excited, but at that point, mostly terrified, and found myself mourning the idea of pregnancy and motherhood that I had envisioned. One baby to birth, buy a crib for, to name, to bond with…ONE. Accepting the reality of twins was a long process, and it wasn’t until I heard them both cry that I allowed myself to fully believe it. It wasn’t until the 3 month mark that I could catch my breath, and start to enjoy being the mother of twins. To marvel at the miracle of them, and get enough sleep to stay conscious enough to do so! It was then that I realized how truly lucky we were (and are) to have this experience. That we were destined for this, and that the pros far outweigh the cons.
I’ll start with the cons. The pregnancy is very difficult, and often times, frightening (I had it easy compared to many). Once they arrive, you have to choose-choose a child to help, to console, to feed. It feels awful, and goes against every instinct as a mother. Having twins is expensive…no, you don’t need two of everything, but close. It takes longer to get to know each child, to bond with them individually. Finding time for yourself and for your marriage is difficult. While having children can stress any relationship, twins divide your attention and time by two. Twins certainly put you to the test, in every kind of way (especially when they start scheming as a team, oh boy).
I could go on forever about the pros. You only have to be pregnant once for two babies-DONE! Double the cuddles, double the giggles, double the love. Henry and Marie are already best friends, and having a built-in playmate is wonderful for them and us, as they essentially start learning social skills and sharing in the womb! As parents, we never want for baby time, and in the case of boy/girl twins like ours, we get to see mars/venus exemplified before our eyes, which honestly adds an entirely new level of understanding on the subject. The efficiency is fabulous-we put away items as they outgrow them, teach them things at the same time, experience developmental milestones (mostly) simultaneously, etc…with them being the same age, it allows us single-mindedness when parenting. (I have great respect for my friends juggling a baby and a toddler!) Other parents (moms especially) tend to put you on a pedestal, which is both a good and bad thing. But having evenly beefed up mommy arms is super cool.
I’ve been told by some that I make it look easy (thank you)…but as you know, what you see here on the blog is usually not the nitty gritty of everyday life. We are still adapting to our new life, and adjusting to parenting twins…obviously we still have a world of learning to do. We get stopped by curious people often, and many say we have a “rich man’s family”….we are certainly rich in love. There are so many times when I look at them in complete awe, and wonder how I got so lucky. It is an honor and a privilege to be their mother and I cannot wait for all that is to come!
wishing my fellow moms (of humans + fur babies) the happiest mother’s day