I’ve been taking a bit of a break from (my) social media lately, and it feels good right now. What began as an unintentional hiatus due to our move organically became an intentional, and dare I say – necessary one. We’re feeling happy in our new home (despite the chaos of moving), and I’m appreciating the little things. Our previous master bedroom didn’t have a window, and just having light in our bedroom for the past few days has been incredibly uplifting. I know that sounds silly, but deprivation equals appreciation. That philosophy applies to many areas of my life – I’ve been too busy for too long and I’m ready to make time for myself, and for my family as a whole. I took a break from the boxes for a moment this weekend to leisurely read the New York Times in bed, which as any parent knows, is such a luxury. This article was waiting for me inside the pages of T Magazine, which is just what I needed to read, and moved me deeply. I relate to it on so many levels – it goes far beyond the topic of music and artistic creation, and introduced me to the word and concept of, hineni.
The expression hineni means “here I am” in Hebrew, and is used in the Old Testament. Some interpretations associate the word with an even more powerful meaning, which is “here I stand”. Leonard Cohen used the term in his song “You Want It Darker”, and when asked by a reporter what inspired him to use it, his answer was the following: “I don’t really know the genesis, the origin…that ‘hineni,’ that declaration of readiness no matter what the outcome, that’s a part of everyone’s soul.” There are issues in my life that have been incubating for too long, and I’m finally ready to face them. I feel an urgency, a need – to fully embrace this transitional time in my (OUR) life and emerge from it healthier, and more whole. I’m publicly acknowledging my personal needs, in the event that you might also be at a critical crossroads in your life and be searching for inspiration, as I am. In the words of another artistic genius featured in the article, Tom Waits, “…when dealing with emergent behavior there is nothing to do but respond…it was not the fire I imagined or dreamed of, but it was the fire I got.” I fully believe that the only way out is through – and it doesn’t have to be dark.