“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
Henry David Thoreau
one and done
We’ve all heard the phrase, “one and done”… and in our case, it’s true (in an alternate sense-one pregnancy, two babies). The minor surgery my husband underwent last week was a vasectomy. Yep…full disclosure here! No more mini-me’s for us-we are so very fortunate to have twins. There are quite a few reasons why we chose to officially end our baby making days, and we’re sharing them here today in the hope that it might help others with their choice. It is an incredibly personal decision of course, and not one that is easily reached. I want to be very clear that I do not pass judgement on anyone who chooses to have less, more, or no children. My best friend has four beautiful little ones, and I have a few close girlfriends who do not want to become mothers. To each his own, but our journey begins (and ends) with Marie + Henry.
Childhood experience certainly plays a role for most when deciding what size family you would like. In our case, I was an only child (and loved it), and would have been more than happy with one. For my husband, growing up with a sibling was a wonderful experience, and he always had two in mind. When we learned we were expecting twins, we knew regardless of gender this would most likely be it for us. It’s funny-we had never heard the phrase “a rich man’s family” until sharing we were having a boy and a girl. It seems many consider it to be the perfect scenario, and in turn, automatically assume we’re done. On the other hand, we’ve had quite a few people (including our pediatrician) encourage us to have more simply because we “make beautiful babies”. I find this to be flattering and offensive at the same time! I’ve realized that people view our personal situation through their own lens and don’t realize that what they’re saying can be perceived as rude and intrusive. The thought of another in addition to twins gives me a panic attack just thinking about it!
My pregnancy was very difficult and even traumatic, at times. Obviously difficult pregnancies can happen to anyone, and the definition of “difficult” is relative. For me, difficult meant infections, catheterization for weeks, extreme swelling and pain, high blood pressure, preeclampsia, and a very rough recovery due to blood loss. I learned early on that having a high-risk pregnancy was no joke, and it pushes your body to it’s limits. You see twice the amount of doctors and get poked, prodded, and scanned more than most. On a positive note–we were so lucky to have numerous ultrasounds and see them grow along the way. I still find it hard to believe that my friends with singles only saw their babies a few times before giving birth! I’m still in awe of what my body achieved, and don’t even know how it would fare a second time around.
I haven’t yet mentioned the economics of having multiples. Let’s talk statistics for a second. The average cost of ONE child in the U.S. for a middle-income family, from birth to age 18, is currently $241,080. That doesn’t even include the cost of college! Take that number and double it in our case…yowza. There are many other financial factors, such as breastfeeding for two vs. formula (which is a whole other post), double the baby gear (although not two of everything), the cost of help (crucial in the early days with multiples), and accomodations for an instantly larger family (suddenly our house seemed a LOT smaller). It is staggering, and scary at times, especially when twins were not even on our radar. At times we laugh and are thankful for only having one girl, and one wedding, to pay for…and maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll elope.
All of the above contributed to our decision, and we took our time making it (over a year). We continually confirmed with each other that we were 100% sure before moving forward. At this point, post-op, we’re both confident and focused, enjoying every moment with the kids. I may call them babies until they are two years old as a result…but that’s cool, right?! They will of course, always be my babies. If you care to share your story, how did you know when you were “done”, are you unsure, or are you planning to add to your family? What were or are the deciding factors for your family?
bon weekend
Oh yeah, it’s time for mums! I’m so happy this time of year-it’s a fact. The leaves turning, the scent of wood-burning fires, and yes ok the pumpkin space latte… all set my heart aflutter. I was born in the fall (my birthday is around the corner), and I’ve always wondered if that plays into my love for autumn. Does your favorite season also coincide with your birth month? I have a magazine photo shoot today (eeek, can’t wait to share), and then we’ll be out enjoying the beautiful weather this weekend. Here are some links for your enjoyment…my favorites from the week. Three cheers for fall!
BON WEEKEND!
marie + billy
Watching the friendship form between Billy and the kids is very special. Marie is especially smitten, and very gently reaches for him and touches him. Billy is so patient-there have only been a few moments of hair pulling luckily, as she started learning the word “gentle” from a very early age! Whenever she sees him she smiles and laughs, and has started saying “ba, ba” trying to verbally work out his name. They know him as Billy and brother…we really only use the word dog for other animals, but I suspect they may end up calling all dogs Billy (which would be adorable). She now will lean in to kiss him, or lay her head on his back-it melts me. Did you have a special relationship with an animal as a child?
philly creatives – jahje ives
As an artist, entrepreneur, and Philadelphia native, it’s only natural that I thought of the talented Jahje Ives to inaugurate the Philly Creatives series. Her childhood was rooted in creativity, and she was destined to become a maker. While nesting with her first child, her business was born, and her artistry is evident in each of her handcrafted creations. Her innovative designs have helped to advance the industry of baby + kids design, which is something I am also personally passionate about. I’m lucky to call Jahje a friend, and she is just as lovely and gifted as she appears online. She is truly an artist in every respect, a successful business owner, and proud mother of two…I hope you enjoy learning more about her background, inspiration, and creative journey. A big thank you to Jahje for her enthusiastic participation!
explain your business and the idea behind it.
My company is Baby Jives Co which creates heirloom mobiles inspired by the magic and wonder of childhood. My background is in painting and sculpture so I often think of the mobiles as props or sculptures. I tend to pay attention to the smallest detail and want to make works that can grow up with a child or simply exist in any home.
at what point did you decide to make your passion a business, and what inspired you?
When I was pregnant with my first child I searched for a unique mobile that was not made of plastic or covered with cartoon animals. I didn’t find anything I liked so I decided to make one using fabric that I had been hoarding for years (I love fabric!). After it was done many of my friends who were having babies asked me to make them mobiles too. I thought, hmm this may be something so I registered my shop name with Etsy shortly before my son was born in January 2009 but it took me almost a year and a half to get things ready (and to get my son sleeping). I opened my shop in August 2010.
what is the story behind your business name?
Baby Jives was our nickname for the baby when I was pregnant. We didn’t know if we were having a boy or girl so we simply referred to the baby as “baby Jives” which is an abbreviation of our names – Joe and Jahje Ives. Then our son was born, got a real name and I kept the name Baby Jives for my business.
what brought you to philadelphia, and how does the city inform your work?
Birth brought me to Philadelphia. I was born outside the city in Doylestown and then shortly thereafter my parents moved to Narberth. I was raised there then decided to go to University of the Arts for my bachelors degree in Crafts. So I am a Philly girl, born and bred. That said, I’ve never really thought about how the city might inform my work. If anything, visiting places with my kids like Morris Arboretum and the Azalea Gardens by the PMA (two of our favorite spots) do inspire me when I head back to my studio.
how did you get into the business of making things?
I went to school at University of the Arts for Crafts and then Tyler School of Art for Painting so I’ve been studying to be maker for years but it wasn’t until I was laid off following the birth of my son that I decided I wanted to try being a maker full time. Before his arrival I had been an adjunct professor at Tyler, teaching video and drawing and a part time assistant at a construction company. I decided to make the leap into my forming my own company and have never regretted it.
what inspires you?
My children. I want to create things that make their eyes light up and that will last…to be handed down to their kids years from now.The things I cherish most are those that are imperfect and have a real sense of the person who made them. I have always loved making things – it’s just part of who I am. When I bring my kids into my studio they always smile and reach for my mobiles. Knowing that my work elicits that kind of response is what keeps me going on those late nights when I am running on fumes.
how has social media helped to further your business?
I love social media…sometimes a bit too much as I have to purposely lose my phone to disconnect. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and I use them all in different ways. I use Twitter mainly as a platform to talk to other businesses owners and friends – it’s like a virtual water cooler for me. Facebook used to be my main way to connect with customers but as they have made it harder in the past year to reach your customers and now make you pay for your posts to reach a larger audience, I use that more to post articles about Baby Jives Co, show pictures from customers and share select images from Instagram. The newest for me is Instagram-I joined last fall and I have worked pretty aggressively to grow my presence there with amazing results. Right now I find that I get at least one sale a day from Instagram and this month was my busiest ever which I know was a result of it, since I was doing a giveaway each week with other brands I love to celebrate my 3rd year of business. I post a mix of business life with studio shots, behind the scenes, new release images and my personal life, focusing on more universal family moments and always keeping in mind to make it my best photos (not just every shot I take of my kids being cute).
when did you know you’d “made it” as a creative entrepreneur?
This past year I’ve had my mobiles featured TWICE in Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine which was pretty thrilling. Even more so because they had simply found me, I hadn’t sent them a press kit or anything.
what advice would you give to someone considering a similar path?
I just celebrated by 3rd year of business last month and shared 3 things I think have contributed to my success, but I think the most important aspect of my success is being original. If you want to gain notice in this very big world filled with amazing people you need to have a clear vision of who you are and what you are not.
what is the most challenging aspect of running your own business?
When you are just starting out you have to work almost non-stop. Knowing where to draw the lines and when to stop working is hard for me, especially since I choose to work from home and to work in pockets of time around my kids and family. Sometimes I have to deal with some major guilt when I have to ignore everyone and ask to be left alone so I can work. I started my business so I could have the freedom to be home and actively raise my children while pursuing a creative life but sometimes I feel like my business is the loud attention hog and my kids have to wait while I deal with it. As I grow part of my development involves figuring out what I can and need to delegate so I can reclaim so of the family time that I miss when I get totally consumed. But even with that I know that I wouldn’t trade this for anything right now.
please check out Jahje elsewhere… shop / blog / etsy / twitter / facebook / instagram / pinterest