Tag Archives: motherhood

running on fumes

I’m exhausted. The “terrible twos” (x2) are upon us, and I feel it applies to my second year of motherhood as well. Not that terrible, but very trying. I hesitate to write about this topic, as I really can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said. As much as I feel settled and content as a mother, I’m struggling to maintain my own identity (and sanity, ha), as so many women do. Being a mother is both my greatest struggle and reward in my life (thus far). Pretty sure it always will be.

Motherhood isn’t glamorous (as most of us know). I’m a maid, a referee, a chauffeur, a teacher, and a chef. Most days, I live in yoga pants, keep my hair in a messy top knot, and am lucky to get a shower lasting longer than two minutes. I’ve resigned to the fact that a clean and orderly home is simply not possible with twin toddlers (or any young children for that matter), and am doing my best to accept the mess (not easy for a type A personality). Without any help right now, I get my work done during nap time + in the evenings, which isn’t ideal, as I need time for myself, and my husband. Date nights are a rarity–something we hope to remedy soon. I need (and want) more time for my marriage.

Our days are a whirlwind of activity, and even though I’ve grown accustomed to the chaos, it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m usually exhausted by lunchtime, and I get through the the rest of the day with sheer adrenaline + willpower. I’m usually counting the minutes until my husband is home to help with dinner, bath, and bedtime. As grateful as I am for the opportunity to be with them 24/7, I need a break, and am not sure how to get one (without feeling riddled with guilt). I know I’m not alone, and welcome your thoughts. I’m so thankful for this outlet and community.

two!

marie2

birthdayshoot

 

Well it’s official…my babies are two years old. Cue the mommy tears. Honestly, I’ve shed quite a few over the past few days. I know motherhood is bittersweet in general, but since we know we won’t be having any more children, there is an intense finality to everything for me. In my opinion, it seems to soften the blow when you put the baby stuff away thinking you will get it out again, or that you will have another one or two year old birthday party, etc.  As a woman, it seems we often associate our youth with fertility, and babies. Knowing I won’t ever be pregnant again makes me feel a bit older…and it really shouldn’t, because I’m young (34). It’s a societal pressure that I must get over. So, in addition to celebrating their birthday, I’m struggling to swallow a big, bittersweet pill. My apologies for the pity party…just keeping it real. I hope these cute photos of the kids make up for it! More cuteness (and a call to all mothers) after the jump…

 

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happy birthday babies

twinsdayofbirth

 

Dear babies,

Two is a significant number. You were in utero as two, made me a mother of two, and you are two…bonded forever.  It’s so hard to believe that it has been two years since you came into our world. We blinked and you are little individuals, growing and changing before our eyes every day. I’m struggling with the fact that you are no longer babies – you are full grown, rambunctious toddlers who challenge and delight us. However, you are, and always will be…my babies.

Marie (my bunny), you are a whip-smart, strong, feminine little lady, and are already a force to reckon with. I will always love that about you…I have no doubt that you will run the world. Be it globally or just your own, you will dominate it. Your thirst for learning is fierce – you devour books (insisting now on “reading” them to us), navigate the iPad like a pro (you almost always choose a learning game), and put puzzles together like a master. You’re speaking in sentences, including a handful of French words, and could talk for days (much like your mama). You are always asking to draw or dance, and when you do it is with great purpose. Your eyes shine bright with life and beauty…you amaze me.

At two years of age Henry (my monkey), you are just as sweet, loving, and stubborn as ever. You are a beautiful combination of strength and tenderness, just like your Daddy. When you look at me lovingly or kiss me, the world stands still. You request a “hug” at least 5 times a day. You reserve your smiles and love for those who are most dear to you…your trust and affection has to be earned. You take great pride in your accomplishments, and as your vocabulary grows, so does your confidence. You love to be silly, and make your sister giggle – “knock knock! who’s there? mama” is your go-to joke. Your analytical mind is sharp, and I love to watch you focus on building legos, playing with your trains, or sitting quietly with a book. You have a brilliant mind, and such a loving, giving heart.

Today I (we) celebrate your lives, and the day I became a mother…it is and will forever be, my life’s greatest gift. Happy birthday babies. You are my loves, my heart…my life.

happy mother’s day

threegenerations

 

Mothers are special, which I understand now more than ever. My mom set the bar high–I can only hope to do the same for my daughter. I am most certain that Marie will become a mother someday…the force is strong with this one. We gave her a baby doll for Christmas and not only has it not left her side since then, but she commandeered Henry’s baby doll as well so she could have boy/girl twins (just like mommy). When she wakes up in the morning, she feeds both her babies a fake bottle of milk, alternating the bottle from mouth to mouth. It is truly touching to witness, as it’s not something that has been taught or coached…she is simply mimicking me, and following her instincts. Becoming a mother has been my greatest joy in life–I hope she gets to have the experience, and the happiness that comes along with it.

wishing my fellow moms (of both two + four legged babies) the happiest mother’s day

the truth about twins

shoes

A

As my first mother’s day approaches, I realize I have yet to share my thoughts on being a twin mom. This post is long overdue-it’s taken me nine months (oh the irony) to get my thoughts together on the subject (and they’re still not entirely together, not sure they ever will be). Discovering you are going to be a mother of two (at once) is an amazing, surreal and overwhelming experience. Becoming a mother is already such a major life-changing event, and adding multiples to the scenario grows it exponentially. My first reaction to our shock of a lifetime news (at 6 weeks of pregnancy) was ridiculously emotional-I instantly began crying and laughing simultaneously, and mr. fleurishing started crying and cursing! I wish we had it on video, because it was so hysterical…and so pure.

Being the anxious type A that I am, my mind immediately jumped to the all of the unknowns and “what-if’s” of twin pregnancy: can I/we handle this, is my body physically capable of this, will the nursery be big enough, can we afford this-the list goes on. My mind took off at a million miles a minute, and I got lost in google for weeks. I was excited, but at that point, mostly terrified, and found myself mourning the idea of pregnancy and motherhood that I had envisioned. One baby to birth, buy a crib for, to name, to bond with…ONE. Accepting the reality of twins was a long process, and it wasn’t until I heard them both cry that I allowed myself to fully believe it. It wasn’t until the 3 month mark that I could catch my breath, and start to enjoy being the mother of twins. To marvel at the miracle of them, and get enough sleep to stay conscious enough to do so! It was then that I realized how truly lucky we were (and are) to have this experience. That we were destined for this, and that the pros far outweigh the cons.

I’ll start with the cons. The pregnancy is very difficult, and often times, frightening (I had it easy compared to many). Once they arrive, you have to choose-choose a child to help, to console, to feed. It feels awful, and goes against every instinct as a mother. Having twins is expensive…no, you don’t need two of everything, but close. It takes longer to get to know each child, to bond with them individually. Finding time for yourself and for your marriage is difficult. While having children can stress any relationship, twins divide your attention and time by two. Twins certainly put you to the test, in every kind of way (especially when they start scheming as a team, oh boy). 

I could go on forever about the pros.  You only have to be pregnant once for two babies-DONE! Double the cuddles, double the giggles, double the love. Henry and Marie are already best friends, and having a built-in playmate is wonderful for them and us, as they essentially start learning social skills and sharing in the womb! As parents, we never want for baby time, and in the case of boy/girl twins like ours, we get to see mars/venus exemplified before our eyes, which honestly adds an entirely new level of understanding on the subject. The efficiency is fabulous-we put away items as they outgrow them, teach them things at the same time, experience developmental milestones (mostly) simultaneously, etc…with them being the same age, it allows us single-mindedness when parenting. (I have great respect for my friends juggling a baby and a toddler!) Other parents (moms especially) tend to put you on a pedestal, which is both a good and bad thing. But having evenly beefed up mommy arms is super cool.

I’ve been told by some that I make it look easy (thank you)…but as you know, what you see here on the blog is usually not the nitty gritty of everyday life. We are still adapting to our new life, and adjusting to parenting twins…obviously we still have a world of learning to do. We get stopped by curious people often, and many say we have a “rich man’s family”….we are certainly rich in love. There are so many times when I look at them in complete awe, and wonder how I got so lucky. It is an honor and a privilege to be their mother and I cannot wait for all that is to come!

wishing my fellow moms (of humans + fur babies) the happiest mother’s day