I’m exhausted. The “terrible twos” (x2) are upon us, and I feel it applies to my second year of motherhood as well. Not that terrible, but very trying. I hesitate to write about this topic, as I really can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said. As much as I feel settled and content as a mother, I’m struggling to maintain my own identity (and sanity, ha), as so many women do. Being a mother is both my greatest struggle and reward in my life (thus far). Pretty sure it always will be.

Motherhood isn’t glamorous (as most of us know). I’m a maid, a referee, a chauffeur, a teacher, and a chef. Most days, I live in yoga pants, keep my hair in a messy top knot, and am lucky to get a shower lasting longer than two minutes. I’ve resigned to the fact that a clean and orderly home is simply not possible with twin toddlers (or any young children for that matter), and am doing my best to accept the mess (not easy for a type A personality). Without any help right now, I get my work done during nap time + in the evenings, which isn’t ideal, as I need time for myself, and my husband. Date nights are a rarity–something we hope to remedy soon. I need (and want) more time for my marriage.

Our days are a whirlwind of activity, and even though I’ve grown accustomed to the chaos, it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m usually exhausted by lunchtime, and I get through the the rest of the day with sheer adrenaline + willpower. I’m usually counting the minutes until my husband is home to help with dinner, bath, and bedtime. As grateful as I am for the opportunity to be with them 24/7, I need a break, and am not sure how to get one (without feeling riddled with guilt). I know I’m not alone, and welcome your thoughts. I’m so thankful for this outlet and community.